Saturday, January 15, 2005

Stardate 59040.48 - Idiots on Planes

I just returned from a business trip to Germany, and I am constantly amazed at how stupid people are. Typically, the people I see on planes act as if they have never been on a plane before. Maybe they have not, but I don't think so. I know that I fly a lot, and I can still occasionally forget that I am wearing my one belt that always sets off the metal detectors, but most people flying these days seem to have absolutely no clue. Couple of reminders for you idiots on planes:

  1. No electronic devices during take-offs and landings. So don't put your damn walkman on while we are parked at the gate and then fall asleep. Especially don't get pissed at the flight attendant when s/he wakes you up to tell you to turn it off.
  2. Same goes for reclining your seat. Keep the damn thing up, or stay awake.
  3. I know that the jury is still out on cell phones, but unless you are on the phone with the President, turn the freak'n thing off when they tell you. Don't try to hide it by turning your head and pressing your face against the window. End your call and turn it off.
  4. CHECK YOUR DAMN BAGS. I fly a lot. I mean a lot. And I have had my bags misplaced maybe 4 times over the past 9 years. If your bag can fit a medium-sized dog, check it. Don't try to cram it into the overhead...especially not over my head.
  5. Take your turn getting off the plane. For overseas flights, I am usually in business. So we already have a head start on those people in coach (and I am one of those people whenever I am traveling on my own dime). Don't push past me to get to the door sooner. It won't save you 60 seconds. And as fast as I walk, I'll probably pass your ass on the way to customs anyway.
  6. And a last irrational, pet peeve of mine...keep your shoes on for take off. If the plane goes off the runway, you won't have time to put them back on before you are jumping down a slide for the cold, hard earth. I take my shoes off too, but only once we are so high up that it doesn't really matter.
Sometimes I think everyone else exists simply to piss me off.